The Feeling of Overwhelming Loss
by Nala Moon
Summary: You never will be the same, loss always changing who you are. You're broken, you may be helped but there will always be a little of you broken. You're like broken glass. Even after you get fixed you're still scratched and cracked.
1. Loss

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything about the Harry Potter films and books or any songs I may use through out this fan fiction. **

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_PROLOGUE_

Loss is one of the hardest things to feel. Lot's of emotions flicker through your mind and you can't seem to push away all the bad thoughts you had fought so hard to ignore. Thoughts of all those people you lost, all those people who left you, all those people who just gave up. You know they didn't leave on purpose but you still can't help but feel a little bitterness towards them.

Then comes the guiltiness for ever having such horrible thoughts about those you loved and cared about, still love and care about even though you will never see them ever again.

Then you think about how unlucky your life is and how it would be so much easier to just fall asleep and never wake up. Then comes all the thoughts of how to kill yourself, thoughts and dreams you would rather not have but they keep pushing themselves to the front of you mind.

It just gets worse from there. There's more guilt on ever thinking of leaving those who are still there for you. Even though you're the last of you blood line left until you produce your own heir, there's still the friends who have stayed with you through out all of these feelings and thoughts. The only ones you care about anymore.

The people who have tried to help you.

The people who are still trying to help even though they think in the back of their own minds that you are a lost case. That you can never be fixed, that you'll never be the same again.

They are right though.

You never will be the same, loss always changing who you are.

You're broken, you may be helped but there will always be a little of you broken.

You're like broken glass. Even after you get fixed you're still scratched and cracked.

You push people away thinking that if no one cares for you, then you can't care for them and then you will not lose anyone. It doesn't work though. People are always in your heart whether you try to push them away or not. Pushing them away just proves how broken you really are.

So instead of leaving you to deal in your loss alone they push you until you tell the truth on how you feel. They push you until you show just how broken you truly are.

And then when you've been re-broken they fix you as best they can. They pick up the pieces, they listen to you moan and whine, they listen as you plea for death to come. Their own hearts breaking at the sight of you being so broken but all you can think about at the time is your own pain.

The pain that's not just emotional anymore it's also physical. In most cases people who suffer from loss hurt themselves, hoping it will make them feel better. It might, just for a minute or two but then the pain comes back much worse.

You find something sharp and then thoughts on other people who have given up and hurt themselves crossed your mind and you can't help but want to feel the pain stop. So you pick up that sharp something and you slowly dig into your smooth skin. You drag it along leaving behind a long red line across your once smooth wrist. Blood trickles down your arm and to your elbow and you can't help but watch it as though you are hypnotised.

The pain did stop. But only for a minute. Because when you truly think about what you just did to yourself, the guilt, the grief, the pain and the loss all come rushing back and now your pain isn't just emotional you've turned it physical.

You've made it worse for yourself.

You become quiet, hoping no one will notice that you've hurt yourself, hoping no one will notice just how much pain you are truly in because now you believe you deserve the pain.

But you don't! No one deserves to feel any of this. You know you don't deserve to feel any of this.

And now you want help but you are too afraid to ask for it. You've pushed every one away and there's no one left. You've cause yourself more loss. Taking a deep breath you head into the great hall where all of your friends are sat. Your best friend Ginny Weasley is sitting with her boyfriend and your other best friend Harry Potter. Beside them is your ex-best friend/ex-boyfriend Ronald Weasley, some one who added to your pain with the feeling of betrayal.

Taking another deep breath and ignoring the sympathetic looks you're getting from students and teachers alike you push all thoughts and doubts from your mind and discover your true Gryffindor spirit. You walk slightly hesitant to where they are sat and Ginny glances up from her food to stare at you with wide eyes full of disbelief and sadness.

And you feel so much worse for causing your own friends pain. The whole hall goes quiet and people are whispering and looking at you as you come to a stop in front of the very people you pushed away.

You look into the eyes of your best friends Ginny and Harry and see all the pain you have cause them and you suddenly feel doubt that they would want to help you anymore. You furrow you brow and bite your lip not sure whether to speak first or to let them. You stand looking and feeling lost until something over the heads catches you eye.

You look up and notice the three people who have been helping you. Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini and Pansy Parkinson all smile at you trying to tell you that everything will be alright. You smile back nervously and then give them a slight nod before turning back to Ginny and Harry who are still looking at you slightly confused.

You feel a tear role down your cheek and you whisper the two words that express everything you are feeling. "I'm sorry". You think that maybe they didn't hear it because it was barely audible but then you notice there gazes soften. You notice the silent tears sliding down Ginny's face, the brotherly love in Harry's eyes as he watches you.

Then suddenly Ginny's jumping across the table and hugging you and you're both crying your eyes out on each others shoulders. You hear light footsteps behind you and turning slightly with your arms still full of Ginny you see your other female best friend Luna running up to you both with her own tears in her eyes. She reaches you both and then you're enveloped in another hug.

All three of you crying and saying you're sorry to one another. Your legs crumble underneath you and you pull Ginny and Luna down with you as you fall to the floor. Another pair of arms surround you and you look up to see Harry smiling at you adoringly and you smile back and laugh a very shaky laugh.

Then suddenly the great hall is once again surrounded with talking, laughing and cheering as Hermione Granger regains her friendships and her senses back.

You feel your heart beating in your chest and you know that you can heal. There's still time to save you before you are fully surrounding in grief. You glance up at the teachers table and you see the Headmaster's eyes twinkling once again with happiness and your favourite teacher and mentor has silent tears falling down her cheeks as she watches you with a smile.

You didn't realise until then just how many people you had effected by hiding in yourself and pushing everyone away.

You're healing now and you know there is only one person to thank for all the happiness you now feel welling up inside your chest.

You detangle yourselves from your friends and look over to three Slytherins who were now standing on your right side.

You smile at them with so much happiness that they all look slightly shocked until Pansy returns the smile and squeals "Hermione Granger is back!"

You laugh and nod saying softly "Not yet Pans, but I'm part way there". You pull the three Slytherins into a hug whispering "thank you" to them before pulling away and nodding seemingly pleased with something.

You notice how most students who you had once been friends with are now standing up and making their way over to you. You glance to every smiling face of your friends and smile whispering "I'm part way there".

The feeling of loss is still there but you're starting to heal and with the help of old friends and new friends combined you know that your life has a new beginning.

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**Please review after reading!**

**Writing this actually helped me.**

**The other chapters have been deleted from this story and added to my new one 'EVERY ROSE HAS ITS THORN' . . . i want this to be a one shot of Hermione's emotions but read the other story aswell :) you'll understand why she feels like this then. You can read it when fanfiction is some how fixed and will allow me to add another story :( **

**REVIEW PLEASE!**


	2. POLL ALERT!

**POLL ALERT! Harry Potter story!**

I would really like it if you would all go to my profile and vote on my pole for my story called "_The Gryffindor Princess_" was called "Finding a Husband".

Please go vote because it will change the future of the story. Please read the story if you have not already :)

**Thank you,**

**Lou lou x**


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